S2 W2 discussion Marriage

by **Admin** Thu Jan 14, 2021 10:47 am

Your thoughts please (I 'm not asking questions so that I don't influence the discussions direction).

by Tess Tue Jan 19, 2021 8:37 pm

Marriage, a complicated subject.
First of all, I think that the vision of marriage has changed. Today, for me marriage is not the same as it used to be. Before marriage it was the goal of a life, you get married, you make children and the rest of your life is mapped out. But now marriage is cooler, quieter. People don't bother so much.
Couples feel less obliged to marry and have children. The old days are over, today's couples are relaxed.
We see a lot of things, homosexual couples, heterosexual couples, single women with a child and yet happiness is there. We realise that marriage is not the same as it was before, and that's not a bad thing.
I prefer this uncomplexed view of marriage, of couples today and letting people live their lives as they wish as long as they are happily married or not.

by CaroleMikhail Tue Jan 19, 2021 9:37 pm

Marriage is the legal form of recognition of a union between two people in a relationship, that declares their long-life commitment to their spouse and children (if they decide to have any). Opinions about marriage vary between people, some think that marriage is turning your partner into your property, some think that it’s about building a life with your significant other. Nowadays nothing is forced and everyone gets to choose the path they want to take; some choose to marry, some don’t want to base their relationship on a piece of paper. One thing is for sure, this newfound freedom, concerning that subject, is working in everyone’s favor.

by Gwenola Wed Jan 20, 2021 5:33 pm

For me marriage is not a goal in life, it's not a dream. Some people consider they will have a successful life when they get married, but it's not my opinion. I don't really think it's a proof of love, if I don't get married it doesn't mean that I don't love my partner and that I don't want to live my life with him. Besides, I didn't really have the image of a successful marriage with my parents, so that probably plays a role too.

After all, according to religions and beliefs, marriage means a lot and I understand. But for me it is not a goal, of course I will be happy if I get married but it is not obligatory for me. Some people think that because you get married their partner will not be able to go elsewhere, but you only have to look at the number of divorces to deduce that this is not true.

by célie verdois Wed Jan 20, 2021 5:35 pm

In our society mariage is basic form of family. I find that family concept has lot of changed in develop society. Traditional family is two parents woman and man with children and they are married. However, today forty tow marriage finish in divorce, so single parent family is a new standard. Everybody has friends whose parents are separated and remarried, they have half-brothers. Some countries recognise gay marriage and they can adopt kids, so family standard are numerous. However in Africa or Asia family and marriage are always traditional as in Fifties in France. I think family’s evolution depend society and culture influences.
In France lot of people are together and have childrens but not married necessarily. Young couples don't necessarily marry, but if they have children, marrying is no longer the first step in a family. Howver mariage allow protect wife or husband when they have child because the children are the heirs. So people haven't another choice than mariage to protect oneself. In France, concerning legal aspect mariage is the standard. May be in few years this change!

by Bastien Wed Jan 20, 2021 5:41 pm

In the past more people got married than today. Since 1990, I believe, the PACSE has appeared and many people are turning to this union. Before marriage was more religious, now it’s more symbolic for some people because for others the religious side remains important. Marriage itself has also changed, before there was no homosexual marriage as there is today. Marriage evolves with the times. I find that marriage has lost its value, it's not the same as before or when you got married you often stayed with the same person. Today there are more divorces. The main thing is the happiness of people, whether they are married or not.

by auxane Wed Jan 20, 2021 7:38 pm

For me marriage has more of a romantic value than anything else. Before, you had to get married to be able to live with a person ... today this is no longer the case.
There was also a very religious dimension before in marriage, which I think is getting lost more and more. People tend to get married less than before I think marriage has lost some of its value.
Moreover, now there are different forms of marriage (same-sex marriage...).
However, I find marriage pretty cool and I wouldn't mind getting married. I think it's a good proof of love.

by Elsa Wed Jan 20, 2021 8:03 pm

Mariage is an old religious social code and for some families it's important and it's a goal in their life. But for me I don't really know because it's a way of uniting a love and if we talk about administration that allow a lot of things for you family. For example, if I die and the house is mine, my husband is the legal heir.
So, I don't really have opinion, that depend if we want to marry for security or for religion or tradition.
I think, for me, that will be for love and tradition because I love church wedding but it's also to protect my love.

by Marion.P Wed Jan 20, 2021 9:21 pm

I like this topic very much. I find it impressive how the concept of marriage varies from one person to another, from one country, culture and region to another. Tons of different visions and traditions and yet, marriage mainly involves one basic feeling common to all: love.
According to countries and generations, and over times, marriage has totally changed. I like the fact that some communities are fighting for marriage and are finally gaining the right to formalize their love in the eyes of institutions. Others are seeking to avoid it or to get divorced. At the end, everyone is free to choose whether or not they want to get married, regardless of age, love or religion, in that way change is good.
What I find sadder, however, is the vision that certain generations tend to have about marriage, love and relationships in general. Some are afraid to commit "till death do us part," others put so much pressure and meaning behind this institution that they let go and divorce, and then there are those who use marriage for various reasons except for love.
Last year I observed for a paper the cultural differences between France and Canada on this subject, and I found for instance that: the French tend to commit late in a relationship, often asking themselves if he/she could be the one or not, and are often tempted in their couples to find better elsewhere so they live several love stories without commitment and marry late. Whereas in Canada, young people tend to have less problems getting into a relationship in high school/university and staying "forever" with that person without worrying about whether there is someone better elsewhere, they simply trust their happiness and the present moment. I even had friends back then who were getting married soon, which seemed totally normal in Canada, but which would seems crazy in France at the age of 24.
Anyways, I feel more in line with the Canadians' vision. I'm kinda old-fashioned but i miss the way relationships used to be. I look at my grand-parents and i wish i could experience the time were you could met and get to know someone without involving any technology. The kind of relationship were you get to marry your bestfriend, to live a quiet happiness and grow forever by his side, and to keep the flirt going on over years. All of it without worrying about being left behind when your half no longer wants to make efforts or thinks the grass is greener elsewhere.
In short, I'm in love with love and I think that marriage is a beautiful institutions that pretty well embrace this feeling, i just hope its meaning will not degrade over time.

by Auriane Wed Jan 20, 2021 10:10 pm

Marriage... personnally I feel it's like a competition. Thanks to COVID-19 since 1 year we have had some rest. More seriously, social media are the field of play the playground of many brides is who will have the most beautiful wedding. The dress, the place, the honeymoon trip... all is surrealist. Very few people can pay a wedding as we see it going on all day long in Instagram. These people pay practically nothing, everything is a partnership, they just name the brand, the company, and everything is offered to them. I find that it creates complexes and that even people with little means put more money than necessary to celebrate their marriage.
But really, shouldn't it just be love?

by Titouan Wed Jan 20, 2021 11:36 pm

Dear John,

Well, I think the others did a very nice analyse of marriage and the evolution of marriage. I think it's great that marriage is moving with the times, yet marriage still maintains its historical, religious imprint. I'm more the type of person who likes to mix our heritage and our histories with the modern. Marriage represents for me a step in life, a goal, a building of my own family. And all this around the love that is blessed on that day (in the name of God, may be it's too much), it is the most important thing, no matter the sex, the gender of the people, their differences, their relationships, if it takes priority to love and respect.

Well, that was the serious part. In truth, it's also the way to make a gigantic party, with all our friends and a lot of alcohol. I love parties John, but this one will be magical. But I'm also scared, scared of many things. First of all of having to stutter and say no, then to fall at any time during the wedding and cause damage (I'm very clumsy) and then also to forget something (I also forget a lot like the last written expression by the way).

Oh, I almost forgot, the sing of my marriage will be : Young and beautiful - Lana del Rey (wtf) or Blackout - Jaden smith
-> sad song but so emotional <3
I hope to never regret my marriage, it looks very terrible. :'(

GOODBYE MY LOVER, GOODBYE MY FRIENDS,

by **Admin** Thu Jan 21, 2021 10:02 am

Marion.P wrote:
I like this topic very much. I find it impressive how the concept of marriage varies from one person to another, from one country, culture and region to another. Tons of different visions and traditions and yet, marriage mainly involves one basic feeling common to all: love.
According to countries and generations, and over times, marriage has totally changed. I like the fact that some communities are fighting for marriage and are finally gaining the right to formalize their love in the eyes of institutions. Others are seeking to avoid it or to get divorced. At the end, everyone is free to choose whether or not they want to get married, regardless of age, love or religion, in that way change is good.
What I find sadder, however, is the vision that certain generations tend to have about marriage, love and relationships in general. Some are afraid to commit "till death do us part," others put so much pressure and meaning behind this institution that they let go and divorce, and then there are those who use marriage for various reasons except for love.
Last year I observed for a paper the cultural differences between France and Canada on this subject, and I found for instance that: the French tend to commit late in a relationship, often asking themselves if he/she could be the one or not, and are often tempted in their couples to find better elsewhere so they live several love stories without commitment and marry late. Whereas in Canada, young people tend to have less problems getting into a relationship in high school/university and staying "forever" with that person without worrying about whether there is someone better elsewhere, they simply trust their happiness and the present moment. I even had friends back then who were getting married soon, which seemed totally normal in Canada, but which would seems crazy in France at the age of 24.
Anyways, I feel more in line with the Canadians' vision. I'm kinda old-fashioned but i miss the way relationships used to be. I look at my grand-parents and i wish i could experience the time were you could met and get to know someone without involving any technology. The kind of relationship were you get to marry your bestfriend, to live a quiet happiness and grow forever by his side, and to keep the flirt going on over years. All of it without worrying about being left behind when your half no longer wants to make efforts or thinks the grass is greener elsewhere.
In short, I'm in love with love and I think that marriage is a beautiful institutions that pretty well embrace this feeling, i just hope its meaning will not degrade over time.

Fascinating.

Historically many marriages had nothing to do with love at all though did they?

Marriages were about power or ownership. Alliances were more important than love.

by **Admin** Thu Jan 21, 2021 10:07 am

Auriane wrote:Marriage... personnally I feel it's like a competition. Thanks to COVID-19 since 1 year we have had some rest. More seriously, social media are the field of play the playground of many brides is who will have the most beautiful wedding. The dress, the place, the honeymoon trip... all is surrealist. Very few people can pay a wedding as we see it going on all day long in Instagram. These people pay practically nothing, everything is a partnership, they just name the brand, the company, and everything is offered to them. I find that it creates complexes and that even people with little means put more money than necessary to celebrate their marriage.
But really, shouldn't it just be love?

I find the cost of a traditional wedding sickening and I've tried to talk my children out of it in order to use that money to make their lives better. I think this is harder though for girls as they have been indoctrinated about weddings and the need for a big occasion and an expensive dress etc... I hate the commerciality of it. I really wish that marriage and weddings could be totally separated in the minds of young people. Not having a glorious wedding and an expensive dress that you'll only wear once has nothing to do with the love that you want to affirm through a ritual act of partnership.

by **Admin** Thu Jan 21, 2021 10:09 am

Titouan wrote:Dear John,

Well, I think the others did a very nice analyse of marriage and the evolution of marriage. I think it's great that marriage is moving with the times, yet marriage still maintains its historical, religious imprint. I'm more the type of person who likes to mix our heritage and our histories with the modern. Marriage represents for me a step in life, a goal, a building of my own family. And all this around the love that is blessed on that day (in the name of God, may be it's too much), it is the most important thing, no matter the sex, the gender of the people, their differences, their relationships, if it takes priority to love and respect.

Well, that was the serious part. In truth, it's also the way to make a gigantic party, with all our friends and a lot of alcohol. I love parties John, but this one will be magical. But I'm also scared, scared of many things. First of all of having to stutter and say no, then to fall at any time during the wedding and cause damage (I'm very clumsy) and then also to forget something (I also forget a lot like the last written expression by the way).

Oh, I almost forgot, the sing of my marriage will be : Young and beautiful - Lana del Rey (wtf) or Blackout - Jaden smith
-> sad song but so emotional <3
I hope to never regret my marriage, it looks very terrible. :'(

GOODBYE MY LOVER, GOODBYE MY FRIENDS,

A better song may be THIS IS THE END. (Doors version of course)

by Marion R Mon Jan 25, 2021 3:06 pm

I don't really know what to say about marriage, that's why I waited before writing.

The subject of marriage really depends on each person. So yes, personally I would like to get married. It's a little girl's dream. When I was younger I always watched my parents' wedding video or photo album, it was really moving. Today they still love each other. So yes, I want to know this, I want to know the emotion at the moment of saying "yes, I do".

Moreover, it's true that sometimes I talk with friends about the wedding we want to have : the place, the wedding dress or the outfit. Today we can get married in trousers. And this is here that we see all different opinion, a different idea of marriage. Some want to have their family with them, others their friends. For example, I know that if I get married one day, my bridesmaids will be my best friends.

This subject remind me of the game show : "quatre mariages pour une lune de miel". I don't know if you know it, it's on TF1. The goal is to invite his 3 competitors to her wedding and they give to note, the meal, the atmosphere, the dress and the place (I think). Personally I find this game stupid, how can we judge a marriage ? The main is to be surrounded by the people that we love and to have a good day. We can be around a gastronomic meal or a barbecue, the important thing is to have an unforgettable day. Everyone has his opinion and goal for the wedding, so nobody should judge this day.

by **Admin** Mon Jan 25, 2021 3:24 pm

Marion R wrote:I don't really know what to say about marriage, that's why I waited before writing.

The subject of marriage really depends on each person. So yes, personally I would like to get married. It's a little girl's dream. When I was younger I always watched my parents' wedding video or photo album, it was really moving. Today they still love each other. So yes, I want to know this, I want to know the emotion at the moment of saying "yes, I do".

Moreover, it's true that sometimes I talk with friends about the wedding we want to have : the place, the wedding dress or the outfit. Today we can get married in trousers. And this is here that we see all different opinion, a different idea of marriage. Some want to have their family with them, others their friends. For example, I know that if I get married one day, my bridesmaids will be my best friends.

This subject remind me of the game show : "quatre mariages pour une lune de miel". I don't know if you know it, it's on TF1. The goal is to invite his 3 competitors to her wedding and they give to note, the meal, the atmosphere, the dress and the place (I think). Personally I find this game stupid, how can we judge a marriage ? The main is to be surrounded by the people that we love and to have a good day. We can be around a gastronomic meal or a barbecue, the important thing is to have an unforgettable day. Everyone has his opinion and goal for the wedding, so nobody should judge this day.

Girls have such a romantic view of marriage (needing a special wedding) boys don't have that view. Why?

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