Bad jokes (no racist pls)

A guy is sunbathing naked on a nudist beach. To avoid getting sunburned, he covers his sex with his hat.

A girl walks by and says to him with a smirk:

- If you were a gentleman, you would lift your hat.

And then the man replied:

-If you were beautiful, it would lift itself!

This joke is very funny because we can see the nuance with the ugly girl who is trying to dredge the men, but sadly she is a bit clumsy and vulgar so it's naturally that the men suggests that she should go fuck himself (without being vulgar !) .

A man goes to his psychiatrist.
- Doctor, it's horrible, my wife is cheating on me! Every night she goes to the sports bar, she gets hit on by the customers, and she sleeps with anyone. It drives me crazy! My God, what should I do?
- Calm down, says the shrink. Catch your breath and start by telling me where this sports bar is.

I have lots of childhood memories, both good and sad. to put in the context of the one I chose, I was in primary school and my sport was badminton. In badminton there are feathers which are stages in terms of level. to pass my green feather I had to hold 30 seconds in skipping rope which was impossible for me at the time. And with a lot of training in my garden with the rope from the club that lent it to me, I managed to get this green feather. proof that with training and determination we can manage to surpass ourselves.

The headmaster of a college sees a supervisor come into his office, taking one of the small moths of the college by force.
The pawn:
- This time I caught him in action, I saw him set fire to cardboard! I immediately put out the flames, but still!!!
The director :
- Hmm, give him a few hours of glue and that's it, no need to bother me for so little...
The pawn:
- But euh ...
The director :
- Oust!!!
A few minutes later, a student enters the office, his face completely burned and his clothes completely charred.
The director :
- My God, but who are you my poor!!
The pupil :
- My name is cardboard sir

The headmaster of a college sees a supervisor come into his office, taking one of the small moths of the college by force.
The pawn:
- This time I caught him in action, I saw him set fire to cardboard! I immediately put out the flames, but still!!!
The director :
- Hmm, give him a few hours of glue and that's it, no need to bother me for so little...
The pawn:
- But euh ...
The director :
- Oust!!!
A few minutes later, a student enters the office, his face completely burned and his clothes completely charred.
The director :
- My God, but who are you my poor!!
The pupil :
- My name is cardboard sir

Honestly some of my friends' jokes are so black that an american policeman could shoot them

Here is just a little humor to unravel the violence against blacks in the United States following the black lives matters movement.

My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

I'm not an expert in jokes, I don't need to learn, telling my daily life is apparently enough. Afterwards, I am a very good public so everything makes me laugh and it makes others laugh. Last to date, I cut my finger very deeply by closing a simple table, losing a lot of blood I was a little in a stun. I had to knock with my head at my neighbor's house to take care of me, and not controlling my words too much. So this time I don't know if he's laughing out of spite or having fun. My clumsiness will ruin me!

What's worse than a baby in a bin?
A baby in two bins.

That's a cute one...
What goes through the head of a fly when she crashes against a windshield ?...

her ass

my joke is bad but it's a joke:
He used to take his dog to school every day, but he finally had to stop.
- How come?
- The dog got graduated.

What is the worst part of a car in it?
- The blonde driving her
One last
What do single bikers have in common with their bikes?
"They both sleep on the crutch.

Sorry, I can not write a "joke" on this topic because it is meant that you have to make jokes not funny but you should know that Antonin makes funny jokes. Thank you for your understanding!

So, let me tell a childhood memory: when I was in the school for the kids aged from 3 to 5 years old (école maternelle in french), and it was the school party at the end of the year.
My classmates and me where doing a traditionnal marriage ceremony. I was the husband, and my "wife" was my teacher. That day, I was the most serious guy! I cannot remember why, but I think that I took that ceremony for a real one!
When my parents told me that story and I saw the photos, it was so funny!